big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
