If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
