so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize