I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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