The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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