But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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