I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
