we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
