two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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