your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Welp...herpes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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