No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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