i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
