I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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