We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
