Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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