i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
