i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
