I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
