am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
