Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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