Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
