he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
