I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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