It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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