i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
