New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
