I am in a vortex of obligation.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
