take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
