im drinking this country out of the recession.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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