So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
