I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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