so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
