You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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