oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
