How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
