Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
