I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
