My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
