The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
