He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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