The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize