Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
