I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
