This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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