Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
