OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.