I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.