I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
