Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
