This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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