Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
