I skipped work to stalk him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
