You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
