Fine. I'll sleep in my office
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This baby is an asshole
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
