I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
