Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I believe in your delicious
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
how does that bad decision feel?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
