weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
