I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
