Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize