If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
