Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
