PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it was like eating out sand paper
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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