just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
