I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he thought i was a dude.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
