Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
