I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
