I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
