fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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