I'm really into asian looking animals
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
