i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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